Advice

Published on January 16th, 2017 | by The Local

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Ask An Intern

Ask An Intern is a new advice column in which our interns will advise you on your woes, however big or small they may be. Got a question? Email us at wiregrasslocal@gmail.com


Hi there! I have a serious problem that I need help resolving. First, I must set the stage, so you can see exactly how annoying this problem is.

In the past, my cousin has brought countless delicious dishes to my family’s get-togethers. I am talking classic Southern banana pudding, dolloped with Cool Whip and vanilla wafers arranged on top. I am talking chicken and dumplings with just the right ratio of broth, noodles, chicken and eggs. I am talking fresh cornbread that somehow stays warm all through a party and remains flaky even when it is leftover.

I used to adore eating all of these treats and more from this particular cousin, until I saw him…pick his nose!!! Ever since the moment I saw his index finger enter his nostril, I have wondered if he makes a habit of doing this before preparing his decadent delights. Have I eaten his boogers?! Ahhhhh!

So, I have refrained from eating his food ever since my realization. My family members ask me all the time why I am not eating the pudding, the dumplings and the cornbread. I just tell them I am too full and force back the expression of genuine disgust.

All this is to lead into my several questions: What do I do? Do I continue to refrain from eating some of the most delicious food I have ever eaten on the off chance my cousin picks and doesn’t wash his hands? Do I confront my cousin and risk his wrath? Do I whisper the truth to my family members? Please help me!!!

 
-Mucus Puke-us


Hi Mucus Puke-us,

Sounds like family dinners leave you with slim pickings. Bad-dum-tss.

But seriously – I sympathize with your plight. Bottom line: definitely don’t eat the food. The only green stuff you should be eating is kale.

I am going to tell you like my favorite, eccentric uncle would always tell me:
“Don’t pick your nose; boogers are your friends. Don’t take them out when they want to stay in!”

Feel free to pass along this philosophy to your cousin. You may help him acquire new etiquette, and if not, at least he’ll have a funny rhyme to sing to his buddies when he’s had a few.

Best of luck,
Rachel

 

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